Monday, January 29, 2007

Déjà vu

Trinity: A déjà vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something. (The Matrix, 1999)
A minor déjà vu experience on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I have this thing for water- while I don’t really like it in the bath, I do look forward to a swim every once in a while. So when my broker came up with an apartment with an unobstructed 10th floor Band Stand sea view and a swimming pool to boot, I jumped for it- even though the 50k a month price tag seemed a little steep. The general idea was “Dekh to lete hain.”

On visiting the apartment I had this niggling sense of déjà vu. As I walked around the apartment, leaned on the balcony rails, taking in the breath-taking sea view, I knew that at some point of time I had been here before. As is the case with all these feelings, it was just a little uncomfortable. Even otherwise the flat was very pretty- newly done up, shiny new flooring, cupboards, a large, gorgeous bathroom- the works.

Later at lunch I was relieved of my slight agony. I remembered (with a silent “Ah”), that this was the same place where a certain colleague who joined the bank post graduation with me used to stay. I even remembered attending a few parties, where I used to entertain myself with sights of the sea and occasionally that of the host flirting with a certain lady I used to have a mild interest in back then. The house used to be quite shoddy back then- nondescript mosaic flooring, shapeless furniture all over, and the ubiquitous clothes, which are the trademark of any bachelor habitat. This was six years ago.

Two things came to my mind as an afterthought. First how rents have spiraled in Bandra- I am sure that back then the bloke paid no more than 20k for that flat. And second, and more importantly, last heard that same guy was married (not to the same lady though) with a kid, presumably happily settled in his ancestral GK bungalow- selling credit cards, or home loans, whatever for a living. And here I am apparently doing well professionally, but a big ZERO at everything else, and wondering in circa 2007, whether the same flat was affordable or not. Sometimes one does get the feeling that in certain aspects, almost everyone has sped past me.
On a more positive note, he does not enjoy access to countless bacchanalian nights, options at numerous drunken skirt chasing episodes (Tin Man had an interesting observation to make- Women have affairs, men just have flings), living life on the edge etc. etc. And then I do not have to sit-up nights, changing diapers, or feel bad every time lust takes over common sense.

Such feelings, though emotionally mixed, are not nice and according to me the best thing to do is to go and buy the fuck out of my favorite mall. Others call it retail therapy. Long ago Moods and me used to do it to fight Sunday evening blues all the time. Since Moods has moved on in life as well, I got Buch (who also moves on in a week’s time) to drive me to Lifestyle. That was nice (Lifestyle reminded me of monochrome Doordarshan file pictures of Kishore Kumar’s house after an IT raid). I was particularly pleased with a couple of shirts that I picked up (not quite so with half a dozen T-shirts), and the fact that now my waist is a size that is readily available off the shelf. D is away for the long weekend, and was not available for comments on this positive development. Of course Kappa still doesn’t make shirts my size and stores don’t keep 501s on their shelves. But that’s OK.

While I sank into my into my pillow for a good night’s sleep it just occurred to me that in a society as ours where personal despair is never desperate enough*, drowning sorrow in solitude is not too difficult. However, to be truly indifferent one must master the art of savoring success in seclusion as well.

* To borrow an expression from GOST


Anuja said...

thank God u FINALLY moved out!

however will not take your word that the new place is good till i see it ;)

The One said...

Anu: Not moved, but seriously considering.

Anonymous said...

the old place is warm, cosy and lived in but the older one at mahim suited you better....airy and light...maybe the new one will be something like that