Sometimes in life I end up doing something so against the grain that it unsettles me so conclusively that life ceases to remain the same. That in effect that point onwards I view myself as someone I believed that I never would be. And that the justifications of those who coerced you into doing it are of no use- none at all. That it is ok, has been done before by others and will continue to be done in the times to come is no consolation. And it is because this time around I am the one who did it and that nothing else matters.
Right now I just hate myself.